And then karma bites you on the bum

Yesterday evening I turned up very late (even later than usual) for dinner and ordered after everyone else. When the bill came, my little order wasn't on there and it looked like I might have been the lucky recipient of a free meal!

But after a millisecond or two, that 'never-was-Catholic-but-might-as-well-have-been' guilt complex kicked in and as we left the restaurant I stood patiently by the bar, holding everyone up and insisted that my meal hadn't been on the bill we paid, waited some more while the waitress did her best to find my order and then handed over my hard earned credit.

When I rejoined my friends their cries/whispers of "don't be silly, just leave!" had mellowed slightly to murmurs of "oh aren't you good then", but I knew that really they were glancing sideways at me with only one thought: "sucker!"

At the end of the day I would have loved a freebie especially as it was a £4 snack, not a full meal, but I would have felt guilty about it for days and above and beyond every other reason, that could convince me. Are sleeplessness, a constant little voice in my ear and butterflies of the not-so-nice kind in my stomach really worth saving £4. Considering the fact I got twitchy, even as I handed over the dosh, simply because I hadn't added a tip, I think not.

So perhaps my moral compass is a little less cerebral than most people's - doing something i don't believe in results in the physical manifestation of a guilt complex - but that's not the end of the world. In a life that's full of indecision (I've often wondered if I should aim for decisiveness as a superpower, but I haven't been able to make up my mind), it's almost nice to know that when I believe in something it's not even a case of thinking about it - I'll just feel it in a non-emotional sense and I'll know.

To finally get to the point, this morning all this thinking and gut-churning finally made it's very clear moral point when I scored two free theatre tickets ... worth much more, fiscally and emotionally, than that measly £4.

I really should have thrown in a tip.